Marinate in the Mess
I didn't notice it sneaking in at the very start of each day, while I was waiting in line, driving my car, between meetings, or right before bed. I guess I wasn't paying much attention to the obvious signs - tight jaw, the low-level feeling of despair, tension in the neck and shoulders, the impending sense of doom, restless sleep, and the underlying anxiety coloring my days. It wore a clever disguise and fed off my natural tendencies - the need to know and be prepared, to gather all the facts in order to make solid decisions and avoid being caught by surprise. It was operating in the background, a slow infusion, filling the momentary gaps in time and thoughts. The build-up of emotion went undetected, flying under the radar, and then...that one morning. Too much, it was all just too much.
The visibly distressed hosts were crying on air, announcing yet another departure of a colleague for sexual harassment allegations. I turned off my blow dryer and gawked at the TV, while the first of what would be a day full of tears ran down my cheeks. My soul had reached it's breaking point, but not because I was shocked or personally devastated by this particular piece of news. I felt broken because events like this had become our normal and I was totally over it.
After a morning of choking back tears at work, I sat in the silence of my car and ate lunch. No radio, no phone...just my thoughts. What I knew intuitively once it was quiet enough for me to listen - months and months of bearing witness to the crazy that our world had become was weighing so heavy on my heart and mind that it was stealing my peace and ability to feel joy. I was taking in too much information from too many sources, in almost constant snippets throughout the day. It was the morning show while I got ready, talk radio in the car, updates on my phone during work, the evening news while I made dinner, and social media to unwind at night. A solid diet of political rhetoric, senseless gunfire deaths, blatant racism, rampant misogyny, intolerance and disrespect toward fellow humans, glorification of hatred, and the absence of competent leadership finally had rendered me incapable of containing my despair.
So I had defined the problem and by the end of that lunch hour, I knew what my solution would be. Unable to control the crazy in the world, I would chose to control what I was consuming. Restoration of balance was urgently needed. Burying my head in the sand didn't feel completely right, although it was tempting. It would be irresponsible of me as a citizen of the world to completely unplug from all news of what was happening, but I could limit my access to it. Being an empath, I knew I had been absorbing all the negative vibes. I did not have to continue to marinate in the mess. The deficit of positive energy was going to be addressed, starting immediately.
I turned off news notifications on my phone before I went back into my office. That evening, I quickly relieved myself of anything that was making me feel heavy on social media. Some friends and family had to go on mute, people and organizations were unfollowed, and I felt immediately lighter. That left the inspirational, uplifting, hopeful influencers and my beloveds who get it. The next morning while I got ready, I replaced the TV with a podcast. Instantly, the injection of helpful, enlightening, thought-provoking ideas became addicting. I listened to another podcast on the way to work, then again at lunchtime and a fourth while I made dinner. This new content diet was the easiest diet I'd ever embarked on. Results were immediate and the payoff has been consistent.
The edits are continual and new habits are evolving. The TV is never on in the background. There is just occasional, intentional watching of a favorite show. The car radio only plays music, usually when the kids and I are jamming out together. I took a social media break a few weekends in a row and then decided on no social media in the first hour of my morning or the last hour before bed. Podcasts have become the sound-track of my days - while getting ready, doing chores or making dinner. I check in with a trusted news source mid-day and not again until tomorrow.
The more positivity I consume, the more I hunger for. I am lead to the next right thing by the right thing I'm currently ingesting. The sources are plentiful and renewable. There are so many of us out here, choosing to not get sucked into the current state of affairs, but to rise above. I nourish myself with input from those aiming to build each other up, to become stronger as individuals in order to elevate the whole. One wouldn't necessarily know we're out here if they are only consuming mainstream content. Consuming darkness was gnawing at my soul. Venturing away from the most readily available sources, some serious fine-tuning of influences and searching for the light has dried my tears, restored my balance and brought the peace and joy back. The lesson for me - the quality of the content we put out in the form of our relationships, social media presence and contributions to the world can only be as good as the content we ingest. Marinate in the mess or rise above...it's as simple as changing your inputs!